Have you finally orgasmed yet?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize