nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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