you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
