at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
