So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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