Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I am naked and annoyed.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
