Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
