you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
