can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
