brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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