im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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