Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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