Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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