Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
