my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
