Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
