hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
