Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
