I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
