Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
