I puked a lego.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
