dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
