and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
