Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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