I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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