my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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