Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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