I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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