I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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