why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
