The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
