life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
