dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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