He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
