maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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