you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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