My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
