This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
