Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
