Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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