Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
