I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Randomize
