I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I think my vagina is haunted
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I will be naked everywhere
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
