Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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