how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
