i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
