If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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