he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
