shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
