ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I can't put those talents on a resume
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
