awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
