im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
she peed on how many people?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
2020 sucks, I want a refund
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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