and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
why do cheetos always look like penises
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
