when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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