allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she pinky promised me she was 18
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
