I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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