i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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