So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
A bitchslap is in order.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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