just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
