i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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