i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
