life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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