i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
