I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
