Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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