you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
